Too much a show-off to be an introvert, too shameful to be an extrovert.
Sunrise doesn’t last all morning
A cloudburst doesn’t last all day
Seems my love is up and has left you with no warning
It’s not always going to be this grey ~ – Preview it on Path.
Up and down and up and down and up and down, with more extreme and unpredictable movement. That’s what that is, I guess.
372 miligrams of tar and 26.2 miligrams of nicotine a day might cause health problems, but it helps. malicious yet delicious, like junk food.
It was twenty years ago, exactly seven thousand three hundred and fifty two days ago, one human being was born. One particular human being who was good enough to live a life, but too vulnerable being alive now. I am sure there’s been nothing wrong with my process of growing up or the society I lived in. But lately, I ask myself very very often, “who am I? what do I do? what should I be? how should I be?”. People say the ones who know about them is themselves. Fuck it. I don’t even know what kind of person myself. You people are more capable of judging as I am what you judge.
I have taken some sort of personality tests, like telling whether you are introvert or extrovert, feeling or thinking type, and else. Even with it, I am really not sure what I am exactly. Says I was introvert, but no. But extrovert… I am not really sure either. Or intuitive or observant, or thinking or feeling, or judging or perceiving. I am too much a show-off to be an introvert, too insecure in front of people to be extrovert.
I don’t really like reading books. I don’t really like watching movies. I don’t really like listening to music I listen to now. I don’t like painting. I don’t like writing. Fuck writing, I have barely enough vocabularies to write. And I’m not really into science and logic things. Mathematics, physics, chemistry. Fuck them. I am too stupid to be an introvert.
Either way, I don’t like talking to people. People don’t really like me much. I can’t talk in front of many people. I find it difficult to introduce myself to new people. I don’t have many friends. I am the stranger in a society. Too absurd to talk to. I am not friendly. People avoid to contact with me ‘cause I have irritating attitude and intimidating face. Too antisocial to be an extrovert.
Fuck this introvert extrovert things. I don’t know and I don’t wanna know anymore.
And my life… my life is very not productive. Wanna know what do I do every day? Heh. Sit in front of my laptop. Waste time. Do nothing necessary. Smoke too much. Drink sachet coffee. Procrastinate. Think the same thing over and over, without any good output. Mess my room and never get it clean and tidy. Forget promises. Disappoint people. Get people into trouble. Break heart. Break people. Run away. Very unprofessional and useless. Never any benefit and advantages. Too coward to live such a life.
I cannot be honest to myself. I always lie to everyone, to myself. I don’t know what is right or wrong. People ever talk with me such great things… heh. I can only hope they as quick as possible realize that those are bullshit. Never really into those ideas we discuss in our quality time, if you say so. What I always think is negative. Fuck positivity. And future… I don’t know what I will be. Future waste of society, probably.
Some people might have admired me of something… heh. I can only hope that those people stop doing that, and start judge me as a negativity source, because I always believe you people’s judgements.