The Dismissive of the Virtuous



Hehe. You’re desperate? On holiday? Dealing your current life with… what? Text-picture spread on the internet? The quotes? Phrases? Ironies? Sarcasms? Anonymously asking and counseling in freaking anonymous-based site? Tweeting? Updating? Blocking? Isolating? Insinuating? GOOD LUCK WITH THAT! Love will find a way my ass.

There are people learning from school. There are people learning mostly from society. There are people learning mostly from movies. There are people learning mostly from books. There are people learning from people’s quote… well are there? I don’t know, but you have some. Uh, a lot probably. And there are expectation. And the fact is that every quote you have, every quote you post, every quote that reflects your mind, are what I am not. So why stay?

I feel random tonight and I think I wanna give you people some advice, especially to girls out there. It may be shitty and nonsense and if you feel like it, you can just ignore this. I just want to write, though.
Dear girls, be careful on having relationship. If you have one now, keep your feeling in a safe condition. Don’t fall too much for something vague. If you don’t have one now, don’t ever date a boy. Just date a man. A real man, who can control himself, who can treat his companion with true love whatever the situation is, who have a real commitment on the relationship. Don’t ever date a boy. Boys are bastard, believe me. And don’t have one until you feel you have become a woman and you feel able to control your feelings and emotions. You have to be very very careful. Selling it in “very expensive price” would be marvellous.
In case you wonder why I wrote this, it’s that I recently feel suck about being bastard boy, and now you may know what happened with me then.

Tengah malem, perasaan ga tenang. I am pressing myself, my willing, too hard, and so nothing is done. Is it how it feels like to have a dead-end life?

Screw me

You want to trust me but you can’t? You don’t have to. I don’t need any trust. I don’t need people to trust me well enough. I don’t need you to trust me well enough. I’m not craving for trust. I know I’m desperate. I know I’m definitely not trustworthy. I don’t wanna be one, though. So, go. Trust whom you wanna trust, leave whom you wanna leave, love whom you wanna love. 

The Trip

(FYI, I’m typing this text with a bit unconsciousness left, as I was really unconscious since four hours ago.)

The trip was really fun and dumb. Thinking about being dumb when we were really being dumb is a really fun dumb thing. Well, ever, until recently. Oh yeah, we as I was and am with my friend Atta. We had the trip just the two of us, though before we were four, two others left earlier, one took and the other one didn’t take as many as the one before. 

We were talking about how and why we were talking like that. It was like a Dawg. You know, contradiction, endless loop, whatever. That, to me, is very very interesting. The trip just showed me what is real and what is not, though it isn’t real in fact. That’s contradiction itself. Interesting, innit?

Visually, we saw things in quite a different, fascinating, funny way. People who have tripped would say, “yeah, that’s the effect. it’s ordinary”. Yes, it is. Fascinating. We were looking at one leaf of a banana tree. It was like, rotating, fading, disappearing, and appearing again. I don’t know why, I know in a conscious state we’d say it’s nonsense, but it was amazing though. And others. Too lazy to type, but it’s too much.

When I realized the effect was decreased, I listened to music. Pretty interesting. It’s:Polyester Embassy - Have You, Blur - Blue Jeans. Each of them reminded me to one person.

The first song is about a girl I really adore personally. You, you’re a saint to me. You are like a mother to me. Like telling me “stop right now, you look so messed, what happen in present tense?”. Guide me my life as a human always, please. I love you, more than before, R.

The second song is about love. A really romantic love song to me. You. I can’t stand it when you look sad, it kind of hurts me so much. I can’t stand it when you smile, it kind of makes me see a pure, white, calming beauty. “Whatever I say, I don’t really want to change a thing”. If you don’t mind. You know it’s to be with you, L.

Last but not least, it may sound nonsense. Yes, it does though. But it makes some thing a bit clear, with a way that you could call it “blur”. I just want to pour things, so I won’t forget too much, and leave a mark. Ta!

Smoking is not healthy? Yes.

Rokok. Merokok. Iya, itu bukan hal yg baik, bukan kebiasaan yg bagus. Emang semua orang pengen sehat, pengen deket sama orang sehat, pengen punya pasangan orang sehat. 

Ada orang yang ga pengen pasangannya itu seorang perokok karena mereka aja nyakitin diri sendiri, apalagi ke orang lain. Well, kalo gitu sana cari orang yang cuma makan sayuran, ga makan fast food junk food, ga makan makanan berminyak, ga makan makanan berlemak, ga minum minuman yg pake pewarna buatan, pemanis buatan, ga makan mi instan yg pengawetnya banyak, toh yang ngelakuin hal2 barusan juga nyakitin diri sendiri kan? Ga sehat kan?

Only a piece of my stupidity, though. Don’t mind.

Ideology? Principle?

I was out with some friends chatting, while it turned out to be more serious topic. I was in confusion myself at the moment. So what did we discuss? It was about principle.

Talking about principle… what is principle by the way? Google says, principle is “a fundamental truth or proposition that serves as the foundation for a system of belief or behavior or for a chain of reasoning”. What am I reasoning? Suppose I have a belief that I am an antihipster. Hipster is an antimainstream person, in a simple way. Mainstream means common. Well, so I can say I look pretty cool, being the different among the different, can’t I?

No. It doesn’t mean it at all. It means that my principle depends on people’s principle. What do you think of being dependent about principle? Well, the point is that I don’t have what you people call “principle”, “ideology”, whatsoever. I am a wood on a river.

And it’s about time for me to be completely wasted.



this is the way the world ends, not with a bang, but a whimper



(Source: smvrgs)

(Source: chrisevansfanblog)